Let's vintage!

!Friday, July 23, 2010

@ 12:47 AM

as i watch people's lives go by, i often wonder, what does the future contain for us?

about a year ago, i remembered going to the singapore garden festival with yuping, ahbao and weiqiang. despite being the only guy, weiqiang eventually emerge with a pot of plant, contrary to us girls who did not buy anything.

a year later on, this insignificant event paradoxically signified many things. things like how our lives have change and yet remains the same. the boys are still in army, i'm still working and our lives have stayed mundane. my parents still love me the same.

on the other hand, many things have evolved. my ex has found his love. i've lost mine. seen many people getting attached. seen many people breaking up. attended a million birthday parties. attended a million cocktail launches. find emotional stableness in the least unexpected people. lost my youth and health.

what is fulfillment and identity?

!Sunday, July 11, 2010

@ 11:51 PM

i wish that i'm not busy all the time. i wish that birthday parties are not obligatory. i wish that meeting friends are filled with happiness and not guilt each time i meet them. i hope that i will be better at work. i hope my body can take this. i wish to God that i'm not his entertainment channel.

i'm not a clown.

!

@ 11:42 PM

sometimes

when people talk to me, all i can see is their mouths opening and closing, like little black holes surrounded by red lines.

i wish i'm alone. i wish the good people who cares for me will stop pressurising me. i wish i can disappear from this world.

and sleep forever.

!Tuesday, July 06, 2010

@ 1:52 AM

when something goes doubly wrong, life definitely gets better when people are there for you.

and it doesn't have to be your boyfriend.

for probably the first time in my life, this feeling struck my heart and i got better. and i grew.

always growing, always knowing that someone has loved you for who you are, accepting every unreasonable flaw you have, fulfilling a small part of your life dream, going all the way to make you feel that your pet peeve is alright.

today,
my boss gave me my 21st birthday present. a fully paid 4 month stay at a condo at holland to myself. blessed by the guan yin ma's designer hand for the interior!

today,
my shoe gave way on the busy train and i wasn't aware that my dress was too sheer. i have an extra outfit in my office but it was mis matching and i felt like shit. my 2 friends promptly gave me a concereige service parcel at 11am. it had: 3 pairs of brand new shoes, 2 belts and a dress for me to mix and match, just so i wouldn't feel like shit wearing my mix matched outfit. their love was contained inside too, which is why my tears and gratitude flowed into the plastic bag as i slowly open all of the small little packages so lovingly prepared.

i will always remember the small things many people have done for me in my life.

how aaron have cried with me when i failed my modules in year 2.
how meiliang used to prepare breakfast for me. how jianping cried because i couldn't see how much my parents loved me.
how my parents love me.
how my sister always thought of me when she saw something that suit me and how she bought it for me so i would cheer up.
how ariff talked with me on the phone till i got home because i was afraid of the dark.
how junhao bought me the crown necklace when we were young even though we were very poor because he knew how long i stared at it.
how carine taught me to learn to let go.
how chinyee stuck by me even though i was shitty.
how vincent stood by me when i was so drunk i couldn't wake up.
how vincent came and packed my things with me when i was fired.
and how my dad always buy bananas for me because he knew i have very bad constipation.
and how many other things that many other people out of their goodwill have unconciously done for me that i will always remember.

this post will be a memory for me to keep, should one day i should forget this world.

!Friday, July 23, 2010

!Sunday, July 11, 2010

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!Tuesday, July 06, 2010

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