Let's vintage!

!Tuesday, February 01, 2011

@ 10:01 PM
so.. what now?


!Tuesday, January 11, 2011

@ 1:51 AM
and the rattlesnake said, i wished i had hands so i could hug you like a man.
and then the cactus said, don't you understand, my skin is covered with sharp spikes
that will stab you like a thousand knives.


received something today, in return for my blood. not to mentioned shellshock when i saw it, but i didn't much felt anything until my boss fucked me later on.


it got me thinking, about my low self confidence again, that i was useless and unable to do anything in the office. then my colleague said thank you and for being always there.


always being there, in exchange for my youth. but it's ok, i need to know that i'm growing. it's the only thing which matters, that i hope that one day i will still be young but useful.


!Monday, January 10, 2011

@ 1:17 AM
freedom 2011!


just came back from KL, wonderful experience but as usual i missed out on my new year making resolutions, due to procrastination (again).


so i'm going to make my 2011 resolutions now, before it hits mid year. but first, i'm going to tell you about sunday, which is now yesterday.


i had a good sleep and i woke up feeling happy. i hit the snooze button and actually snooze for 3 more hours. it is probably one of the rare times i allow myself to sleep longer and not feel guilty about it. so i woke up, bathed and did my laundry. (mind you, i hand washed everything) it was such a huge pile of clothes from KL and from the time before i left KL that i was waterlogged by the time it was done.


so when i came out (presumably with a bad shoulder ache now), it started raining. the rain didn't spoilt my sunday morning. in fact, i was secretly elated due to the cancellation of my hell-bent resolution to jog (refer to the following resolutions on exercising). so i hung around the house for a bit and went to the indian restaurant near my place for some food alone. did something different for a change, i actually sat down alone and enjoyed my food and the smell of the rain without the need to do anything, except to eat. it was such a good feeling i think i'm going to make it one of my resolutions.


so after that i went back and met zebra, we went to a baby shower and met up with my hubby for dinner. bottom point is, i forgot about my laundry and when i remembered it i ask my sister to hang it up for me, which she replied that the weather is still bad in jurong. so when i got back, i decided to hang it out and the moment i did it started to drizzle again..


had a difficult time bringing in everything quickly and finding space for all the dripping wet clothes, in which some of it has inevitably inherited colorful stains from my new floral jumpsuits. my mom came jumping mad after she discovered i had wet clothes dripping all over the place at BOH.


what a long winded story about boring laundry. where was i... oh yes, my 2011 resolutions. before i procrastinate again, here it goes.



1. fight procrastination. so far so good at work. so far not so good in personal life.

2. continue to bask and breathe in my new-found freedom. if you have to tell me about your i'm-so-happy-being-attached-and-you stories, i have stories to share too.

3. i will eat healthily. and i will do it my way.

4. i will not be tempted by the new lift which is installed directly outside my house and continue to use my staircase diligently. ok, maybe when i'm carrying my barney luggage. and maybe when i'm carrying heavy things. or maybe when i'm late and it happens to be open at my level. HMMM. (on this topic i say AMEN to the new lift, my dad doesn't have to carry his bicycle anymore up and down the staircase)

5. i will not stay back so late in the office uneccessarily. but i will continue to helpful.

6. i resolve to get my own project this year, goddamit.

7. i resolve to be a super stylist.

8. i resolve to immerse myself in more design related industry things, be it museum hopping or skimming through magazines in the library.

9. i'm going to shop more this year. before you naysayers yell, please hear me out. i'm going to go furniture and accessories hunting more often and develop a better eye for details (this is critical, in order to resolve my #7)

10. speaking about an eye for details, i'm going to pay more attention to the industry details at work and i am going to do my best to be a better learner.

11. i will maintain my sanity at work. if i ever have it.

12. i will be neutral at work. like how it is now.

13. i will learn to balance time in my personal life.

14. i will learn 'a thousand miles' on my office's grand piano if i don't get my ass fired this year.

15. i will learn to strum a string or 2 on the guitar.

16. i will tidy up my license.


that's all for now, i don't want to continue writing about resolutions for the sake of making it.


!Sunday, September 26, 2010

@ 10:16 PM
is it ever right to put expectations on people?


is it ever possible to embrace change, for better or for worse, in whatever your friends do?


i will never know. i don't really care what people do anyway. until they make it my concern.


i only thought about it when you said i have changed. i guess it was your impression of me that changed. it was your impression of me all along, because how can you know me when i don't even understand myself?


it's a strange world.


!

@ 10:01 PM
haven't been blogging for quite some time, but many thoughts have passed my mind.


i wonder.





this week is a special week, i stayed home for the weekend. friday night was f1 with ariff, great company and nice performance by missy elliot. then it was working on saturday till 8pm with my director and colleague. and i went home after that to watch the dvd meteor garden which i have bought. it was such a nice feeling since i haven't been watching tv for a few years now.



if only i can get my hands on the whole set of sex and the city dvd.



so i stayed at home today, cooked lunch and snoozed, watch a bit of meteor garden and read some magazines, ordered in mac and did a bit of tidying up. was supposed to have plans with 3 groups of friends today but all got cancelled. oh well. guess it's just like this.



i'm starting to get used to not having you around. and being too busy. learning to be independent. learning to take care of myself when no one is there for me when i'm down. learning to be more amiable. i'm learning to treasure my new found freedom.



and i'm happy.


!Friday, July 23, 2010

@ 12:47 AM
as i watch people's lives go by, i often wonder, what does the future contain for us?


about a year ago, i remembered going to the singapore garden festival with yuping, ahbao and weiqiang. despite being the only guy, weiqiang eventually emerge with a pot of plant, contrary to us girls who did not buy anything.


a year later on, this insignificant event paradoxically signified many things. things like how our lives have change and yet remains the same. the boys are still in army, i'm still working and our lives have stayed mundane. my parents still love me the same.


on the other hand, many things have evolved. my ex has found his love. i've lost mine. seen many people getting attached. seen many people breaking up. attended a million birthday parties. attended a million cocktail launches. find emotional stableness in the least unexpected people. lost my youth and health.


what is fulfillment and identity?


!Sunday, July 11, 2010

@ 11:51 PM
i wish that i'm not busy all the time. i wish that birthday parties are not obligatory. i wish that meeting friends are filled with happiness and not guilt each time i meet them. i hope that i will be better at work. i hope my body can take this. i wish to God that i'm not his entertainment channel.


i'm not a clown.


!

@ 11:42 PM
sometimes


when people talk to me, all i can see is their mouths opening and closing, like little black holes surrounded by red lines.


i wish i'm alone. i wish the good people who cares for me will stop pressurising me. i wish i can disappear from this world.


and sleep forever.


!Tuesday, July 06, 2010

@ 1:52 AM
when something goes doubly wrong, life definitely gets better when people are there for you.


and it doesn't have to be your boyfriend.


for probably the first time in my life, this feeling struck my heart and i got better. and i grew.


always growing, always knowing that someone has loved you for who you are, accepting every unreasonable flaw you have, fulfilling a small part of your life dream, going all the way to make you feel that your pet peeve is alright.



today,
my boss gave me my 21st birthday present. a fully paid 4 month stay at a condo at holland to myself. blessed by the guan yin ma's designer hand for the interior!


today,
my shoe gave way on the busy train and i wasn't aware that my dress was too sheer. i have an extra outfit in my office but it was mis matching and i felt like shit. my 2 friends promptly gave me a concereige service parcel at 11am. it had: 3 pairs of brand new shoes, 2 belts and a dress for me to mix and match, just so i wouldn't feel like shit wearing my mix matched outfit. their love was contained inside too, which is why my tears and gratitude flowed into the plastic bag as i slowly open all of the small little packages so lovingly prepared.


i will always remember the small things many people have done for me in my life.

how aaron have cried with me when i failed my modules in year 2.
how meiliang used to prepare breakfast for me. how jianping cried because i couldn't see how much my parents loved me.
how my parents love me.
how my sister always thought of me when she saw something that suit me and how she bought it for me so i would cheer up.
how ariff talked with me on the phone till i got home because i was afraid of the dark.
how junhao bought me the crown necklace when we were young even though we were very poor because he knew how long i stared at it.
how carine taught me to learn to let go.
how chinyee stuck by me even though i was shitty.
how vincent stood by me when i was so drunk i couldn't wake up.
how vincent came and packed my things with me when i was fired.
and how my dad always buy bananas for me because he knew i have very bad constipation.
and how many other things that many other people out of their goodwill have unconciously done for me that i will always remember.


this post will be a memory for me to keep, should one day i should forget this world.


!OWNER


JJ

!wishlist!


my own house.


!visit!


http://happybowday. livejournal.com


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